Do you know your cycle?

No, not that one.

Your matrescence cycle. 

The one that begins the moment you answer the call to become a mother and never, ever ends. The transition into that of mother, from woman, that is profound and impacts you in every possible way. 

If you're reading this blog, chances are you have already read my other blog introducing the concept of matrescence (if not, it's linked here). This blog is the one that takes the concept and makes it a bit more personal. This is where you learn more about YOUR cycle; your matrescence cycle. 

In my years supporting women along their conception journey and mothers all throughout motherhood, one thing has become abundantly clear. 

There is a cycle to our becoming.

While each stage might look a bit different for each of us, we each have an ebb and flow to every season of motherhood; each one leaving us touched and changed than ever before. 

It's useful to learn this about yourself, hopefully with the goal being that you feel a tad more in control of your experience this way. (I use the term "control" lightly, as very little is ever really within our control, however, the way we react to it is. Hint, hint!)

Here's a rough outline for you to begin pondering as you think more about this cycle for yourself. (And if this speaks to you, then I invite you to join the next group of Becoming Mama as this is the foundation to the program and you'll have an amazing village of like-minded mothers to join you.)

The Stages of your Matrescence Cycle

First stage of your cycle is your "old self". Here, I am referring to the self that is most comfortable, feels at ease and confident in where she is at. This might be your pre-motherhood self, the self that is a mother to one child while pregnant with her second, the you that has mastered mothering yet her children are both about to be in school FT. Whatever the "old self" is, it is the version of you that you are about to transition out of. 

Next comes the stage of in-between. Through the lens of a rite of passage (which is all of motherhood!), in this stage of your cycle, you have one leg in both the "old self" and the "new self" (I use that term loosely as well).  You are missing the older version while simultaneously not sure of who you are becoming or the new role you are taking on. You are in the midst of change and it can feel pretty destabilizing. Mothers in this stage can often report feeling lost. Can you relate to this?

Then, in the third stage, you are emerging. You have come to terms with the loss of the older version of yourself and are more fully prepared and ready to accept this newer version of yourself. You feel ready and maybe even a bit excited about what this change means for you. 

Lastly, you are fully the new version of yourself. Again, I use the word "new" lightly as for every woman and mother, you should refer to this stage with whatever word feels most right to you and your experience. For some, it is the word "new" and for others it might be "full", "authentic", "whole" etc.. In this stage, you are more confident, feel more joy, live aligned with your values, feel able to set boundaries etc. The change has happened and you now have fully entered your life in this new way. 

(If any of this seems a bit vague, I understand. It's challenging to conceptualize a bit, but talking it out can help! Feel free to contact me and I can help you figure out where you might be in your cycle! You'll get the hang of it eventually, with a little practice and then be able to use it as a guide for your constant becoming!)

And...here's the thing about being a mother...it is always changing. Once you feel like you have mastered one stage, it shifts into another and your role/identity changes once again. So eventually, the "new self", becomes the "old self" and you cycle through all over again! 

This is your matrescence cycle. 

You are constantly evolving as both a mother and a woman. At times you might feel all consumed by your role and identity in that of mother (and at times that is necessary and to be expected) yet you will (AND can) shift into a place of more whole-ness, in which you feel more full in every other identity you own or wish to create for yourself. (For some women, they feel completely WHOLE in that of mother and for others, they might yearn for, not necessarily more, but different (in addition to!) mother. Where ever you are on this spectrum, you are still always experiencing your cycle. Well into grand-motherhood, this cycle still exists.)

I am grateful to the countless women and mothers I have supported over the years, whose stories have informed this model for understanding one's matrescence. 

They are the Village. It's as they say...

"One day your story will become part of someone else's survival guide."

This is it. This is a map for you to better understand your own "becoming". 

I invite you to join the next round of the Becoming Mama program which is a deeper dive into exploring your matrescence. It’s 12 weeks of education, support and a village of like-minded mamas there to support you along the way.

As one of our current mamas in the program said:

“The Becoming Mama program gave me such an opportunity to reflect on myself- as a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and so much more. It pushed me to slow down and take care of my own emotional and physical health so I could be the best mother I can be. I loved connecting with Chelsea and the other women in my group and we became such a close community during the program. I looked forward to our group texts, facebook posts, and our Zoom meetings. Motherhood can be lonely but this group gave us such a wonderfully supportive village! Finally, the workbooks and recordings were so informative and thought provoking as well as gave great discussion points for our group meetings!!!”

You are invited, Mama.