You are maxed out mama
with little to no emotional availability

You are a maxed-out mama.

You are a mother who is tapped out, touched out and burned out to the max.

Based on how you answered the quiz, you probably aren’t very emotionally available to your children, your partner…or yourself these days.

When we hit this point, an all-time low, when “you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired...”

we know now is the time for a change.

It seems that you could use a bit of extra support these days, Mama. And let’s be clear…we all could really.

It’s so easy to put everything we’ve got into mothering and lose ourselves in the process.

I’m guessing you’re missing your village; friends and those you can really connect with aren’t that available to you. You might be a bit lonely (Motherhood in our current culture is very lonely; again, you aren’t alone in that).

Taking care of yourself is at the bottom of your list, Mama. You’ve got so many other important things to do, you have no time left for yourself. And when you do have free time, you most likely spend it on other chores and tasks. You're exhausted, overwhelmed and feel a bit lost in this whole mothering thing.

While you might love being a mother, you might not love everything about mothering and motherhood. And this can make you feel pretty cruddy about yourself sometimes. Moments of rage and the guilt that follows can feel so disheartening, but they keep happening no matter how hard you want them to stop.

Do you feel emotionally unavailable?

When you are emotionally unavailable, it is because you have nothing left to give. You have given everything away.

Yet, in motherhood, you are always needed and something always needs to be done so you are always feeling the pressure to pour from an empty cup and you do (somehow, time and time again, you pour out). But then it’s easy to resent the fact that you “need” to keep pouring when you have nothing left…which leads to anger and mom rage.

So in the state of hopelessness, helplessness and complete overwhelm, you shut down. Cue being emotionally unavailable. You check out or you rage…those are pretty much your only options when you are this empty. And I know this is not the way you want to show up for yourself, your kids or your partner. The guilt is big and the sadness that this is “life” is deep.

For your own reference, let’s define emotional availability.

Being emotionally available refers to a person's ability to connect and engage with others on an emotional level. It means that they are open and receptive to experiencing and expressing their own emotions, as well as being empathetic and understanding of others' emotions.

It relates to how you show up for your kids, your partner and yourself.

Key aspects of emotional availability:

Emotionally available individuals have a good understanding of their own emotions. They are in touch with their feelings, can identify and acknowledge them, and are comfortable expressing them when appropriate.
Chances are, Mama, that you are really disconnected from yourself these days. You might be feeling numb, completely overwhelmed and hopeless as a baseline, which means it’s time to invest in reconnecting with yourself so you can begin to grow your own understanding of your experience.
Emotionally available people are able to effectively communicate their emotions to others. This involves expressing their needs, desires, and concerns openly and honestly, while also actively listening and validating the emotions of others.
When you are this low and tapped out, Mama, you probably don’t always have the words to use to describe your needs, wants and struggles. It’s time to take steps to better understand and talk about your needs.
Emotionally available people are empathetic and compassionate. They can put themselves in others' shoes, understanding and sharing their feelings. They offer support and understanding when someone else is going through a challenging time.
This might be you, Mama, just not so recently. You find yourself snapping, raging and rolling your eyes at the littlest things. You simply have NO space for any empathy towards others or yourself. maybe it is time to practice self-compassion to rebuild your capacity for empathy.
Being emotionally available requires a willingness to be vulnerable. It means being open and transparent about one's thoughts and feelings, even if it feels uncomfortable or exposes them to potential emotional risks.
This is a BIG one, Mama and chances are you dont feel comfortable being vulnerable when you are feeling this burned out.
We often think of asking for help as a sign of failure or weakness, so instead, power through (which has led to this space you’re in).
It’s time to unpack WHY asking for help is so hard, who you can ask for help and start having some honest and real conversations with your partner, friends and most importantly, yourself.
While emotionally available individuals are open to connecting with others emotionally, they also have healthy emotional boundaries.
They can maintain a sense of self and separate their emotions from others', ensuring they don't become overwhelmed or enmeshed in someone else's emotional state.
Mama, you have probably tried SO hard to be so emotionally available to your children that you have taken all of their emotions on, held space for them, so much so, that you have forgotten all about yourself.
You probably don’t practice much self compassion so when those mom rage moments happen, the guilt is huge.
It’s time to increase the self-compassion, allow yourself space to mess up and give yourself the space to process the challenges that come with mothering.
Emotional availability is not just about occasional moments of openness; it also involves consistency in emotional engagement.
Emotionally available individuals are consistently receptive to emotional connections and make an effort to maintain them over time.

You aren’t alone, Mama.

While this brief synopsis might have hit home a bit, and maybe it feels a bit heavy for you to read it. It can be the motivation you need to begin to do some things differently for yourself. First things first, motherhood is hard and mothering is work.

You’re not alone in your experience.

Here are some general suggestions, again, remember this is not personalized to your situation specifically and is not intended to be clinical advice. Always consult your doctor before implementing any of these ideas.

Here are some things
you can do:

Assess your village: write out a list of people in your village.

Have three circles: an inner circle (people closest to you), a middle one and an outer one. Identify who is in each circle, why and what they bring to your life. Get clear on who fills what purpose for you. Then think of who you can ask for help. Who can you talk with vulnerably? Who can watch your child? Who can go for a walk with you? Begin to build your village up. Here’s an article I wrote for Motherly that might be useful to you too.

Here’s an article I wrote for Motherly that might be useful to you too.

Consider professional support.

Look, I am one and I go to therapy myself!

I offer matrescence coaching, you can discover more information about how I could support you here.

If you can find one that clicks with you and you vibe with, it can make all the difference. Find one that specializes in maternal mental health too. You can find support at postpartum.net.

Start by doing ONE thing for yourself every day.

If it’s a shower (although some people would say that isn’t necessarily “self-care”), do it. If it’s a walk outside, do it. If it’s calling a friend, do it. I know you have a lot to do; I know you feel too tired. But sometimes, doing ONE thing for yourself has the potential to begin changing how you see yourself. You are worthy and deserving.

Have an honest and frank conversation with the people around you.

Talk about expectations regarding your roles as partners and parents. Get clear on what you want your role to be as a mother, partner and the contributions you make to the home. Sometimes resentment can build up when we just keep going, feeling frustrated about assumptions made of us, and never talk about changing it.

Practice self-compassion.

Suffering is part of being human; we all have bad days and hard moments on a good day! Try to ask yourself “What would I tell a friend if they were in my shoes?”. Also practice telling yourself, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I am learning.”

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore more of this, I strongly encourage you to find a therapist (see #2).
You deserve the extra TLC, Mama. You aren’t failing. You are a good mom.

Quiz Disclaimer

The information provided on this page is for educational purposes only. The information and suggestions provided in this quiz and the results given are general in nature and should not be used as or substituted for professional medical or clinical advice. I do not accept responsibility for determining whether Mama’s Modern Villages products or services are appropriate for you and your health and wellbeing.

You are maxed out mama with little to no emotional availability